I woke up again today.

No one calls. No one checks on me. No one is there. Only the echoes of my tortured mind are the songs I hear. What reason could god have for not taking me in a natural way or giving me the light I need to find my way out on my own. Am I suffering to keep someone else from going through this ? Is there some purpose I just can't see for me to have been called to go this way. I know life isn't supposed to be this way. It's too late for me and my chance at a normal life has passed me by. The only constant is the surprise that so far I haven't stopped this madness with my own hand. God, before I go, please dear god tell me why. It's the only question I have. Not why me, but why. Just why. Dear god please tell me why.